S is for stump speech.

S

stump speech • bən(t)-SHə-^llīz

     nominal

     1. polemic with four pinnochios

as in:

Candidate (insert name here)’s stump speech paraded out to the Popejoy Elks last night was a nifty blend of flack and friction. With a nod to the Washington Post’s Glenn Kessler, we give it 

Platforms in brief - Ted Cruz

Damn those huddled masses yearning to be free

Republican candidates on Syrian refugees, closing down mosques, Christian terrorists

Ben Carson on Syrian refugees: “If there’s a rabid dog running around in your neighborhood, you’re probably not going to assume something good about that dog, and you’re probably going to put your children out of the way. Let me add that if the dog is a collie, to protect your children you’re probably going to want to shoot all collies.”

Donald Trump on closing down mosques: “We’re going to have to look at a lot of things very closely. We’re going to have to look at the mosques. We’re going to have to look at Episcopal churches. We’re going to have to look very, very carefully.” Trump went on to say that most of the Episcopalians he knew were Democrats and “very soft” on immigration issues.

Ted Cruz on who are terrorists: “There is no meaningful risk of Christians committing acts of terror.” When asked about Timothy McVeigh and Virginia Tech gunman Seung-Hui Cho, Cruz acknowledged that McVeigh was raised Roman Catholic and Cho in a Christian Church, “but both became agnostics. And yes, I would ban all agnostics . . . and Koreans,” Cruz said, “and Episcopalians.”

A is for alleged (falsely).

A

alleged falsely • sər-kŭm-lō-ˈkyo͞o-SH(ə)n

     periphrastic journalistic jargon

     1. lied

ex:

“Trump, later alleging — again falsely — that President Obama wanted to admit 250,000 Syrians . . . .” – Dana Milbank, “Republicans’xenophobic bidding war” – Washington Post online

"Verifiable Christians"

The supervisors in my crab-shaped county met in executive session last night. And the county administrator announced this morning that we will welcome Syrian refugees, but only if they are “verifiable Christians.” Their status will be “verified” by local Christians, who at the last judgment will be asking Jesus, “Just when did we see thee a stranger and did not welcome thee?”

Your local CEO's dollars at work.

But not for you.

Well - it works well, for the capitalists!

     “The beer industry underwent substantial consolidation in 2008, when Anheuser-Busch, the maker of Bud Light, was bought by InBev, a Belgian company. Around the same time, SABMiller of London and MolsonCoors of Denver merged their U.S. operations. Those two companies brewed other popular American beers, Miller and Coors. . . . Together, the two brewers [now] control 31 percent of the global market.”*  

     So, of course, more efficiency: and prices went down. See above graph!

_______________

*Max Ehrenfreund for WaPo online’s Wonkblog: Why you might be paying too much for your beer.

Whereas . . .

Part II. Another letter:

m ball's "my last marco"

Your State's Amex Gold: Don't leave home without it!

Whereas . . .

Shoo. Scat!

The New Republican Debates

So, we gather from various media, the RNC is responding to candidates’ campaigns’ complaints about how the party has been “managing” their TV debates: they haven’t been. The result has been a staff shake-up and the party’s management of primary debates.

     We’ll leave explanation of what’s happening with the staff to more savvy heads. Just know, Donald, Ted, Marco, Ben, Jeb, Carly, et al. that the new configuration is going to take care of you. So Katie Walsh’s email sent to the campaigns assured them. According to my sources (the flies and fliettes at Julio’s Bar), it must have looked something like this: